Round and round and round we go

Back into treatment soon. We've tried every hormone blocker available, and my CA125 continues to rise. At first it crept up slowly, but in the last two months it doubled. Time for action.

And I'm upset about it, even though it's been coming on for a year. These are the things that trouble me:

a. The likely treatment is carbo/taxol again. It's nasty stuff, takes all my hair, and leaves me feeling trashed for all of the summer.

b. There are MEK inhibitor trials coming up, but they just don't seem to be getting launched soon enough for me.

c. I have to do all the research to find things that might work. I want a guiding hand, but the docs aren't being very helpful. I understand that they feel safer advocating for the "known" therapy and its documented results, but mine is a bit different than other Ovarian cancers and could be helped by different (and kinder) therapies, maybe. If I want to take the risk, I have to do the research, delving into information that I don't completely understand.

d. We have fun trips, weddings, family obligations to attend to this summer. There's only a slim chance I'll be able to do anything, and meanwhile, we can't make any plans.    ARGH! I'm a planner.

e. I'm scared.

f. I hate that my loved ones are distressed because of me. I hate that I cry at the drop of a hat.

Thanks for all your support, everybody. I'm determined to live each day positively. Maybe by venting here I can put the negativity behind me and charge on.

I'll charge on.

Living large in the woods!